Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Turn the Music Up

Our lives are consumed with art.
Especially my life. I have art pads full of charcoal sketches, boxes of scrap booking paraphernalia, tons of notebooks full of writing and a whole crate filled with art projects. Sure I am a certain type of "artist," but I still don't know how I always forget the powerful art form-- Music.

First, let me convince you that your life is consumed with art. For all the party goers out there: imagine the party setting. Colorful strobe lights, people dressed in an array of clothing, dancing of (unfortunately) all styles going on. Okay... maybe that is stretching it. Do you build houses? Cut and color hair? Style homes? Take photos? Hike? Run? Train? Teach? I think you get my point. There are so many things in this world that require some sort of a creative mind. Even if you aren't always creative in the things you do, take a look at your surroundings and see the art the world has to offer.

Back to the music.
I definitely believe in the power of words and the feeling of the right beat. Songs can either make or break the situation. The first major car crash I remember being a part of was really scary. My sister was in the vehicle behind me, flipped the truck, and went sliding upside down past my window. Luckily no one was hurt, needless to say I was shaken. I remember my Dad told my friend and I to take the day off and go rent a movie. I walked around Blockbuster feeling dazed and confused, until this song came on. For the life of me, I cannot remember what it was, I just remember the soothing, relaxing feeling it gave me.

How about those break up songs we all love so well? Sure, they make us bawl our eyes out and wonder why we ever left that person. "After all that we've been through, I will make it up to you, I promise to!"Or the songs that make us feel empowered for ending it "As long as I know how to love I know I'll stay alive, I will survive!" We all have to go through that grieving process, which means both styles are very important.

My personal favorite, the angry hard rock music. When I have a rough day my Linkin Park CD is in my player before I even have time to think about getting over it. Those are the days I put on my sunglasses, roll the windows down, and turn the music up. My mind goes completely blank and all I hear are the words that could practically be my own (if I actually knew how to write music) "I've become so numb, I cant feel you there, become so tired, so much more aware, all I want to do is be more like me and be less like you."

However, that is not my preferred use of music at the moment. I have a terrible time letting go of things. I get really annoyed really easily. If someone says something rude, I let myself become angry and upset and occasionally it ruins the rest of my day. I can go from 0-60 in 3 seconds. Now I am trying to master the art of self control. When my temperamental coworker decides to change from being friendly to spouting out every mean thing he can think of, I had to learn not to take it personally. Thoughts roll around in my head "how dare he say that to me!" "I don't think I am that bad.." Eventually they will turn into self doubt, and then become a major insecurity. Not with my new method. First I have to acknowledge that what I am upset and obsessing over is really just silly. Then I will turn on a old school, tacky, girly song: Shake It Off by Mariah Carey. Really- can you get any more literal than that? But it works.

We are all directly responsible for our life. If you are upset, its because you choose to be. Vice versa with being happy. As much as I hate to admit it, my Dad was right in that department. However, it may not always be easy, especially turning your brain off when the obsessing begins. Allow the music to help. The very talented Artists have been through a lot of the same issues we all go through. (or they at least know how to write about it!) And some times the words playing could very well be your own.

Create a sound track for your life and find a way to always be happy.
Enjoy the Art.

~Alexis3

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Me

Will you still love me if I'm just me?
Would you still care if I never change?
I'm unusually sloppy, my room is a mess
My bathroom is ridiculously clean
I'm organized and anal with everything else
My clothes always face to the left
I'm unbearably random
Sometimes a little bit dense
I forget what I'm doing- in the middle of doing it
And I prefer to do five things at once
I would rather go to sleep
Than stay out too late
I have days where I stay home and veg
I cry when I'm angry, happy or sad
I'm demanding when I'm upset
Sarcasm is my main sense of humor
I prefer to laugh really loud
I would much rather be quirky and weird
Than popular and "normal"
I'm definitely obsessed with clothes
And jewelry
And make-up
I have an addictive personality
Sometimes I'm a little clingy
At the end of the day
I'm still just
Me.

~Alexis3

Sunday, May 22, 2011

The Trail

The trail is just the beginning.

Let me start with an intro... I have spent the majority of my life hiding. Too afraid to do anything that may make me embarrassed, look stupid, or uncomfortable at all. Currently, I go to bed by 9:00, making sure to take my anti-depressants beforehand. I wake up at 6:00 AM. Take energy supplements so I can make it through the day. Go to the job I have been working at for 4 years and knock out information and projects I could do in my sleep. Usually around 2:00 I start to get tired and find more caffeine to consume. Come home, watch TV, eat dinner, wash my face, and go to bed by 9:00.

Yes, I would consider that "artificial living." I'm here, I'm getting up and doing- but not really doing anything. I'm okay with my life and my habits. And yet, I still go to bed at night wanting more.

Many people out there would say that taking antidepressants is wrong. "You are dulling your emotions! Just feel." Those people may not know that you don't feel anything when you are depressed. There is... nothing. I had been living that way for a good 4 years before I realized it. Now that I am taking action and not consumed with "the blues" I have finally decided to live my life. One of my favorite books to read is The Ultramarathon Man, by Dean Karnazes. Sure this guy is a freak, his runs ranging from a marathon on the North Pole, to a 50 miler in the dessert, to 199 miles across the country.  You don't really get the "freak" vibe from him. All you feel is the level of commitment this guy puts into living every single day. I'm no longer satisfied with just getting up and doing.

That is where the trail comes in. I have never been a hiker, though I may have claimed such a thing when listing my hobbies. Today I was going to go hiking. The weather wasn't great, about 60 degrees, not a breath of wind, with a storm hovering in the horizon. None of this mattered, I was going hiking. The start of anything is pretty easy, the excitement pumping keeps you going. Just when I thought I was getting bored I would come out of the trees to an open ledge over looking the snow capped mountains. I passed a total of eight hikers, five bikers, and four dogs. Not too bed eh. After a good hour of just following along I started to wonder if I would get anywhere. What was the point of all this if I didn't get to the top of the mountain and look over my accomplishment? Life doesn't always give you such luxury. As if to prove the point, it started raining. Maybe to prove another point, I hit a beautiful waterfall. Standing there in the rain, with my arms spread out, watching the water fall, was the most alive I have felt in years.

Time to head home before I froze. I was already soaked and moving at a hiking pace wasn't generating much body heat. I started to run. At first it was just moving to get to my car faster. Then it became something beautiful... My stride was strong as I watched for rocks and mud, my breathing was even as I pushed my body along. In my head I was singing over and over (would have been out loud if I hadn't been panting!) I passed some trail hippies. Hiding out under the trees, laughing at everything around them. I contemplated befriending them, but what they had couldn't compare to what I was experiencing. My high was real. My feet were soaked, my legs covered in mud, I was really starting to realize how dangerous running on the hill side in the mud could be, the bottoms of my feet sore from the pounding. Then a line from the Ultramarathon Man popped in my head "If it doesn't hurt, you're not doing it right."

Back to the bridge finally. I slowly walked to my car, feeling amazing- albeit wet, cold, sore, and hungry. That is when I decided to start writing again. Sure, I could fill one of my dozen notebooks up with this useless information. But maybe, just MAYBE, if I shared my experiences I would touch someone with the same problem.

So within living "artificially" I will find the Art to living.

Until the next adventure
Alexis3